Double Whammie
Written by Dasha
HEADLINE NEWS!!!!!!
Last night, blood covered the squadroom. Six detectives were hurt, and a dozen of uniforms dead. Just when the police department started to forget the Mahoney scandal, Junior Bunk's twin sister comes in and shoots half of the personell. Detective Tim Bayliss was fortunate enough to escape this fatal incident, as he was found crying above Adena Watson's grave. Detective Munch received minor cuts from the broken glass of a coffee pot.
Leut. Giordello felt anger and rage when he found out that FBI agent Mike Giordello knew about this twin sister and did not inform the Homicide. Anger and rage lead to Cecilian outcomes, and Mike was in a ditch half-eaten by rats and other animals of that habitat. When asked about the reason behind dropping the charges against Leut. Giordello, Ed Danvers smiled shyly, turned slightly red, and said :" No comment".
SCANDAL! SCANDAL! SCANDAL! (from "Transex into Enlightenment")
Colonel Barfather is involved in a sexual harassment investigation. Det.
Shepherd declared that her desire to become a "HE" was provoked by her relationship with Barnfather, as he was always greeting her wearing sexy clothes that belonged to her. Det. Shepherd says that she sees no difference between her and Barnfather, and therefore her logic led her to conclude that she must become a man. As usual, Det. Shepherd does not make any sense.
NEW FILM!!! ( from " Juvenile Detention Center News")
Hey, movie goers, film lovers, and TV junkies. Here's a cool show you simply must watch. It's all about this gay Homicide detective who is, like, new and he gets this partner who is black and cool. And then he gets thiss case about this little dead girl. Oh, after that the movie gets way better, because he sleeps with everyone on the Homicide unit. This movie is based on a true story, and the filmmaker is sleeping with this gay guy now. So, it's like a tribute to his lover...cool...I give it, like, four stars
CONSPIRACY!!!! (from " Paranoya Today")
Det. Kay Howard was determined to keep her clearance rate at Figitive, when she followed up on her new case. She was shocked to find that her previous partner was well and alive living in Canada with Megan Russert. Det. Howard found it very difficult to believe Megan's hair was indeed red. After quitting her job, Kay moved in with her partner and her friend, and a woman whom she now calls "Megs".
DANGER!!!! (from " Beauty Today")
Det. John Munch is weeping today. Why? Because his bride will never walk down that isle. Why? Because she had too much. Too much of plastic surgery.
Her surgeon became very sick of her and he decided to slit her throat.
Girls, whatever you do-DON"T ever go to the same plastic surgeon and DON'T be like Billie Lou. No
Note: Presently, Det. Munch happily replies to a name of Mrs. Bolander
WHERE DO ALL DETECTIVES GO? (from "Cosmopolitan")
Check out Det. Mike Kellerman and Det. Meldrick Lewis on the coast of Florida. These guys can take you for a boat ride of your life. Sorry, girls, they will only "do it" if both of them join in. "You can't have one without the other". Watch out, and don't make Det. Tara Stivers jealous. She lives on that boat as well.
Check out the porno-conventions, and be amused at the sight of Det. Paul Falsone running around and passing out his phone number.
Check out the local pubs, but you won't find much. You can look at Det.
Gharty, but there is not much to see.
Check out Det. Ballard in her new S& M...[editor:sorry, that's for Playboy...]
NEWS!!! (from "Local Gossip")
Last night there were tears and laughs at a local wake. The city has lost a wonderful cheerful M.E. whom everyone lovingly called "Shiner". Beau Felton couldn't do anything but point at Tim Bayliss and shout: " Emma Zoole". Tim Bayliss was busy passionately kissing Frank Pembelton. Brodie was blinking and sniffling, because he knew Tim would never let him become part of the triad of Frank&Tim&Mary. Julianna Cox was crying tears of joy into a her liquor bottle, because Mike Kellerman offered to teach her the principles of communal living and practice them on the "Love Boat".