Poetic Interludes 9: Doing A Job
Written by Redell
I did not have a nervous breakdown.
(I didn't.) It wasn't my fault.
(It wasn't) You can't understand.
(Why do I have to talk to you?)
Have a bad day? Not feel like himself?
I did. (I do.) Just doing my job.
I pulled the trigger. Yes. (I miss Frank)
I didn't realize I was doing it when I did.
(Murdered because of spoon)
I shot him. Broke his flesh.
(What disrespect could Moss have felt?)
I work Homicide. (I didn't commit one.)
....this isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn't
I had to. Gee was right. He pulled first.
(He wasn't in his right mind.)
Shot first. (I forgot how *red* blood was)
(All he wanted was the soup!!)
He took upon himself to prove he didn't need pity; he took a life.
(I took his) Retribution? (Didn't want the spoon) Fear?
Clean shot. (Is this what Kellerman felt...??)
I killed a man...I killed a man...I killed a man...I killed a man...I
killed a man...Ikilledaman...Ikilledaman..Ikilledaman...
Lewis knows I'm a good cop. (Do I?) He told me himself.
(Was he just being nice?)
No. Meldrick *always* tells it like it is.
He wouldn't lie to me. He wouldn't.
I trust him. More than I do myself. I believe he is right. Good.
What am I going to do?
(I know the pain of a bullet)
I can't fear this (for it is myself.) that I don't know.
I looked down at him.
I am but only human. I have faults.
(The scars are still there, patterning my skin)
Fears. The need for retribution. I made a mistake.
Yeah, that's it. A mistake. I reacted too quickly.
My fault. I can't be me. I can't be...
Is Homicide for me? (What will I do?) Can I go on?
(Where will I go?)
Do I have the willpower? (Do I?)
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.