Not Wanting To Be Here
Written by Redell
As the morning splinters away
and the cool breezes push through
me, i find myself alone.
In this room, surrounded by brick
padding, I stand...
i'm left standing without you,
feeling the pain of a thousand days
and a million nights...
i've given up on seeing you
again, knowing the arc of pain is
rampant and our lives are
i feel nothing.
i wished you'd come to see me.
You'd be the first.
My life has gone to shit.
Just another name
in a closed case
In some low-rent DA's
And you know what?
The moment we'd met,
i realized myself no longer a martyr,
no longer a
afraid. Your casual acquaintance to me,
just a servant of law, during a killing...of your
During a time i'd been pushed away...
by someone i think nothing of now.
you with your calm bravado. Your compliment.
I dreamt that we could be something far greater
than gossip, than idle chit-chat. That we could be together
not listening to the voices telling us that we are wrong
for how we feel.
That I could touch your neck, and
slide my hand down your chest...
but, i am still facing this alone.