Ten Magic Phrases
Written by Maggie the Cat
NOTE: This piece was written as a response to Vali's post containing the article "How to Write Good"
by Michael O'Donoghue (from National Lampoon magazine, March 1971). In it, he lists "The Ten Magic Phrases of Journalism":
- "violence flared"
- "limped into port"
- "according to informed sources"
- "wholesale destruction"
- "no immediate comment"
- "student unrest
- "flatly denied"
- "gutted by fire"
- "roving bands of armed youths"
Baltimore, MD--Violence flared when a small dinghy
bearing the mangled bodies of Homicide detectives
Paul Falsone and Rene Sheppard limped into port early
Wednesday morning. According to informed sources,
namely an intoxicated man calling himself Det. Stuart
Gharty, this is indicative of an internal wholesale
destruction of the Homicide squad.
Lieutenant Al Giardello had no immediate comment on
these deaths, although Det. Tim Bayliss informed the
media that the two murdered detectives were involved
in a case concerning student unrest at a local high
school. Det. Bayliss also added that the high school
case is "a pansy little nothing murder, just like
this one." He was prevented by the Lieutenant from
Det. Meldrick Lewis, however, contends that the
murders of his co-workers has nothing to do with the
riot-torn school. He and Det. John Munch both flatly
denied ignoring a possible link between these murders
and the fact that Det. Falsone's car had been found
gutted by fire the previous week.
"In this day and age, you never know /who's/
responsible for anything," Det. Munch stated.
"Falsone's ex-wife could have done it. So could
roving bands of armed youths. For all we know,
Sergeant Howard and Kellerman P.I. could have done it."
To date of priniting, police are still trying to find
leads on this brutal murder of two of Baltimore's
Maggie Felis, Associated Mess