Ten Magic Phrases
Written by Maggie the Cat
NOTE: This piece was written as a response to Vali's post containing the article "How to Write Good" by Michael O'Donoghue (from National Lampoon magazine, March 1971). In it, he lists "The Ten Magic Phrases of Journalism":



Baltimore, MD--Violence flared when a small dinghy bearing the mangled bodies of Homicide detectives Paul Falsone and Rene Sheppard limped into port early Wednesday morning. According to informed sources, namely an intoxicated man calling himself Det. Stuart Gharty, this is indicative of an internal wholesale destruction of the Homicide squad.

Lieutenant Al Giardello had no immediate comment on these deaths, although Det. Tim Bayliss informed the media that the two murdered detectives were involved in a case concerning student unrest at a local high school. Det. Bayliss also added that the high school case is "a pansy little nothing murder, just like this one." He was prevented by the Lieutenant from commenting further.

Det. Meldrick Lewis, however, contends that the murders of his co-workers has nothing to do with the riot-torn school. He and Det. John Munch both flatly denied ignoring a possible link between these murders and the fact that Det. Falsone's car had been found gutted by fire the previous week.

"In this day and age, you never know /who's/ responsible for anything," Det. Munch stated. "Falsone's ex-wife could have done it. So could roving bands of armed youths. For all we know, Sergeant Howard and Kellerman P.I. could have done it."

To date of priniting, police are still trying to find leads on this brutal murder of two of Baltimore's finest.

Maggie Felis, Associated Mess