I'm the oldest of the Kellerman kids. I've got a sister and two brothers. I don't ever get too concerned over my sister, she's always been a Daddy's girl and, come to think of it, a Mama's girl too. You know the type, can't do anything wrong and refuses to be a part of anything remotely on the way to being wrong. She scuffs her little white shoes and she cries.

See, she's who Mikey would be if it weren't for me and Drew. Well, maybe not. Once we learned we were getting a brother, Drew and I were so excited. No more dumb girls. Not that we mind our sister, she's alright, but she would have been better if she'd just done one bad thing in her childhood. Drew thinks we didn't push her enough to give into us, but I think she's just too worried about what people think of her to let herself be pushed..

But Mikey was different. Drew and I started grooming him in our ways the day he was born. He wasn't like us, though, but he wanted to be. I always sort of felt bad for him. He was three years younger than Drew and four younger than me. It's hard playing catch up to four years. He tried though.

I don't ever think of Drew as being younger than me. That eleven months don't ever factor in to me because we're almost twins in that we're always together and we can just about read each other's thoughts. Most people think he's older than me because he usually takes the lead and makes the plans. But I let him do that. I figure, why should I? I mean, I'm no innocent, but nine times out of ten if we're in trouble, it's Drew's fault, so I let him figure out the ways we're going to get out of trouble.

Mikey doesn't understand us at all. When he was a kid, he tried. Like I said, he wanted to be like us. But Mikey's always been good. Not good like our sister, who is good because she thinks she has to be because she wouldn't be the little Princess of our parents' hearts if she wasn't. No, Mike's not like that. He just doesn't have it in him to be bad. His goodness is sort of like a terminal sickness. He's tried to cure it, but in the end, it comes back. My little sister is good for show; Mike is good because that's who he is.

One amazingly big difference in their goodness is that Mike doesn't condemn me and Drew for our lack of it. He may not understand and we may not be exactly who he wants us to be, but he doesn't let that stop him from liking us. Our sister wants nothing to do with us because if she did, then she wouldn't be Daddy's little girl. But Mikey, somehow he can manage to maintain relationships with everyone. Even though Dad doesn't approve of me and Drew, Mike still likes us and wants to be around us.

I feel bad sometimes about leading the type of life I do. It means that Mike and I and Drew can't be close and I think that's a big thing that hurts Mikey. He sees me and Drew and how close we are, and have always been, and I think he's jealous of that. Even though Mike was good, I think he might've given up everything and gone with us three years ago when we left. But we didn't ask him. Drew didn't ask him to come with us because Drew thought he wouldn't come and if he did, he'd still try to be a cop with us. I didn't ask him because I thought maybe he would come and then he'd hate himself and hate us for him not being a cop anymore.

If goodness is in Mikey's blood, so is being a cop. Sure, he had one or two times when he was sidetracked. But they were minor. I mean, he decided one time that he wanted to be a baseball player, but that lasted until he busted his arm in little league. So he went back to wanting to be a cop. It's a joke between me and Drew that Mikey was born with a badge branded on his ass. Every Halloween, he was the same thing: a cop. One year, we tried to convince him to be Curly, so we could be the three stooges, but no, he wanted to be a cop. Big shock there.

But who am I to judge that? I think it's his calling and I have to respect that he at least had the balls to recognize it and go for it. Me on the other hand, that's something different.

I wanted to be a doctor. Am I a doctor now? No, nothing close to a doctor. Drew? He wanted to design cars, but he doesn't. And we're okay with it because those things weren't our calling. I don't think either of us had a calling. Except maybe to live life by the seat of our pants.

I love my little brother Mikey and I wish Drew and I were the type of brothers that could be around to support him. But it really does suck not being close to him. I don't like that he's got a life that I don't know much about. I mean, with Drew, I can tell you the last time he got laid, if he took a shower today, and what his views on abortion are. But I can't tell you all that about Mike. I know what I know from when we were kids, because even before Drew and I left, we weren't close to Mikey.

But regardless of that, I've always been able to tell when something's wrong with him. I don't have to know that much about him to know what's wrong. He's always had a set behavior. He's always been more or less happy. So, when he starts ordering the entire bottle of Jim Beam, I know something's wrong. And when he tells us that his life sucks, but won't go into it any further, I know something's wrong.

Whatever it is, I hope he can deal with it okay. I'm sure he will. Mikey's always been able to take care of himself and in the end, he always does the right thing.

~**~ End