You *HAD* To See This One Coming...
Written by Redell
- Setting: Squadroom. Homicide HQ. Afternoon. Munch & Bayliss walk in -
Munch: "There's only one way to find out, isn't there?"
Bayliss: "I dunno.."
Munch: "Hey, Falsone, you leaving?"
Falsone: "Yeah, Munch. Terri and I just caught some big political case,
we could be..well, I will be promoted, that is, when it's solved."
Munch: "Oh, I see...Um, well in that case, take car 18. I just filled it
Falsone: "Thanks, John."
Munch: "What are friend's for, ay Paul?"
Bayliss: "Munch! You can't let them take *that* car!"
Munch: "And why not, Timmy?"
Bayliss: "Because, I haven't given him the keys, yet."
Munch: "Stupid me."
Bayliss: "Here ya go, Falsone."
Falsone: "Aw, thanks Tim."
Bayliss: "No problem."
Falsone[as he and Terri make thier way out the door] : "I'll be sure to
Thank you 'little' guys when I make my acceptance speech!"
Munch[waving]: "You, *don't* have to. Go on! Bub bye, now!"
Bayliss: "Hey Munch, um..what about Stivers?"
Munch[grinning like an idiot]: "Ahh, I know. But, she's his partner and
therefore we must think on her... as a casualty of war. She will be
sorely missed. Have you seen my peanut brittle?"
Munch: "What's taking so damn long!"
Lewis: "Did you hear the one about the-"
Lewis: "Why are you shhhushhin' me?"
Bayliss[whispering]: "Munch's cousin installed a bomb in the cavalier
this morning. To see if it actually works, we just gave the keys to
Falsone to take to a crime scene."
Munch: "That was five minutes ago."
Lewis: "I didn't hear nothing."
Bayliss: "Neither did I."
Munch: "Damn my luck! I knew it! God, how I knew it! I swear my family's
nothing but hard luck!! I need a drink!"
Lewis: "Wait a minute here, Munchkin. Maybe the bomb doesn't designate
when the car's turned on."
Bayliss: "He could be right. Maybe some kinda time-release explosive."
[Four hours and 34 cups of coffee later]
Lewis: "Don't 'cha think we'd have heard something by now?"
Munch: "Shut up."
Bayliss: "What's up with Gee?"
Munch: "OoOo! Gee! We heard the horribly, sad news and well...Bayliss,
Lewis and I volunteer to go to Falsone's mother's house and.."
Gee: "What are you babbling about, Munch?"
Munch: "Didn't...something bad happen to Falsone?"
Gee: "Yeah. Something did...He was mmhmhmm.."
Lewis: "What was that?"
Gee: "I *said* he was mmhmhmm.."
Bayliss: "Didn't quite catch that, sir."
Gee: "He was PROMOTED!!! Are you happy!?! I said it! There!!"
Lewis: "What the %@#$!"
Bayliss: "What was *that*?"
Munch: "An example of how televison and most cartoon characters express
anger. Angst. Unsettling news. Anyway...whatta ya mean he was promoted?"
Gee: "Well, on the way to the crime scene, he heard some ticking in the
car and fled the vehical. But, Stivers' seatbelt wouldn't unbuckle and
he ran back, saving her life before it exploded. Then he went to the
crime scene, surmised that Professor Plum in the Library killed the maid
and Mrs. Peacock with the revolver and the candlestick. Which led to
Plums's confession of killing his four year-old sister in 1974 and some
drug dealing he did for his first grade teacher, a Mr. Timothy
Leary..anyway..After all his gallant work, he was thus promoted."
[Bayliss looks over at Munch,swearing to himself.]
Lewis: "All this is *four hours*?"
Gee: "Actually, no. In less than forty-five minutes. This is a
television show, remember?"
Bayliss: "So..um..what has he been promoted to exactly? Sergeant?
Gee[nodding head]: "No.."
Falsone: "Hi guys!"
[Munch hits floor. Lewis walks over to desk, pulls out gun. Puts to
Gee: "Hello, *Captian.* Falsone.."
Lewis[still holding gun]: "You're kinda calm, Gee."s
Gee[smiling]: "Xanax. Kava. Does the mind good.."
Bayliss: "That's it! I quit! I'm outta here! Tom, Barry, Anya!! Fuck it,
Falsone: "You can't quit!...Who's Tom, Barry and Anya?"
Bayliss: "Stop playing stupid, greaseball. Wait a minute..."
Secor: "That's better. I can quit. Just did. My contract doesn't hold up
for this kinda shit. So far these season, I've been reduced to a few
cosmic mutterings and a collection of four minutes of air time. No
paycheck is worth that!"
Belzer[sitting up] : "I'm with Kyle. The four of us have put in six,
pretty *damn* good years. And I'm not gonna have them washed out by
Johnson[throwing rubber gun on floor]: "Piece of overused slime!"
Secor: "Exactly. I should have left with Andre. With Diamond. With Leo.
But, nooo.. I wanted to stay on. I wanted my character to grow. Into
what? I was better off in that coma! "
Kotto: "Ya know, you're all right. I'm tired of Giardello getting passed
over. And this cast..."
Falsone: "What about us?"
Secor: "Don't even get me started, 'Cold Case Falsone'."
Sheppard: "What are you whining about now?"
Secor: "Me? *Me* whining? Oh!! That's fucking hillarious! For the past,
eighteen-billion weeks, we've heard you go on and on about your
beatdown. Newsflash, deary..no one cares! GET OVER IT!!"
Michelle: "That doesn't stop me from kicking your sorry ass.."
Secor: "Anytime. Anyplace..."
And this is where I get stuck...anyone wanna add on??