Arrest Warrant: An Exaiphnes Vignette
Written by Marti

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on the characters and situations created by Chris Carter and owned by the Fox Network and 1013 Productions. As such, the characters named are the property of those entities and are used without permission, although no copyright infringements are intended.

"Couldn't you just pick something and stick with it?" Tim said irritably as he sat on the couch next to Mulder, who, as usual, had the remote. He had flipped through the whole circuit of channels twice, not stopping on any for more than a split second.

Tim was just about to propose that they do something else when Mulder stopped on a scene of two naked people writhing on a couch. "Hey, what's this? The Playboy Channel? I didn't know we got this."

"Must be a glitch of some sort. I'm sure I'm not paying for that." Tim watched for a second in disbelief. "I didn't think you watched this stuff anymore."

"Hey, can't a person take a trip down memory lane?"

"So you've seen this one."

"I've seen them *all*."

"I just don't see what's arousing about that." Tim had to raise his voice to be heard over the moaning.

"Well, part of the appeal is just getting some new ideas, seeing what possibilities are out there."

"Sex on a couch is not a new possibility. We've done that."

"Yeah." Without taking his eyes off the screen, Mulder observed, "We really need to get a longer couch if we're going to try that again."

Tim watched for a few minutes in silence, but mused to himself rather than paying any real attention to the action. "So, do you think we need some new ideas?"

Mulder turned to look at him. "Maybe. Like what?"

"I don't know." Tim's eyes roamed around the room, then lit on the table in the foyer, where he'd tossed everything he'd cleared out of his pockets after work. "Well, we are both law enforcement agents," he said as he sprang off the couch.

"What? Oh, no, not that." Mulder shook his head adamantly as Tim returned to the living room with the shiny cuffs dangling from his hand.

"Why not?" Tim pouted. "Don't you want me to...strip search you?"

"No. That's not funny." Mulder turned back to the TV, trying to look absorbed in the movie and end the conversation.

But Tim took the remote from his hand and turned the set off with a decisive click. "C'mon, sweet cheeks. I can show you something that's more interesting than that."

"Oh, can you?" Pause. "*Sweet cheeks*?"

"Just get over here."

"Over where?" Mulder got up off the couch and stood, immovable, in the middle of the room.

"Actually, right there will be just fine." Tim paced around him in a circle, swinging the cuffs so that they slapped against his free hand with a clink. "So, Mulder, have you done anything bad lately?"

"Gee, Tim, I don't know -- I might have drunk some milk out of the carton without using a glass."

"Oh, you know how I hate that. That's damn near a capital offense, I'd say." He circled closer and closer, finally stopping to grab hold of Mulder's right wrist and pull it behind his back. "I believe I'm going to have to place you under arrest."

"Don't you want me to give chase first?"

"No, because the last time that happened, I threw my back out." Tim snapped the other cuff onto Mulder's left wrist, then paused.

Mulder could feel Tim's breath on the back of his neck as he stood there. "What now?"

"Well, aren't you going to resist arrest?"

"Tim, I don't really know what you want me to do here..." Then he felt his arms being pulled up and used as a lever to turn him around as Tim walked him across the room and pressed his cheek against the wall.

"Have to make sure you're not carrying any concealed weapons." Tim started to slide his hands down Mulder's torso, slowly, tugging at his shorts a little when he reached that far. He traveled all the way down the outside of Mulder's long legs, then back up, fingertips caressing the sensitive skin of his inner thigh.

Mulder shivered a little. He had sworn he wasn't going to like this, but he was getting harder and harder by the second, and he could tell Tim, who was now pressed against his back, was too. Then he felt the tip of Tim's tongue swipe across the back of his neck.

"Are you supposed to do that to your suspects?" he asked, breathlessly.

"No...I think the next step is a body cavity search."

Mulder was more than a little apprehensive as Tim forcibly turned him around, but it turned out that what he had in mind was a slow exploration of Mulder's mouth with his tongue. Mulder strained against the cuffs, wanting desperately to reach around and pull Tim closer, and he groaned a little when he felt the metal cutting into his wrists. He could only stand there helplessly as Tim covered his neck with kisses, then sucked at a sensitive spot near his collarbone.

Finally Tim stood back. Mulder leaned against the wall, head thrown back, knees slightly bent, as Tim observed him from a standpoint about two feet away, one hand rubbing his chin in contemplation.

"What? What are you looking at?" Mulder could tell his face was flushed and he'd broken out in a sweat.

"I'm trying to figure out how I can get your shirt off."

"You could just take these damn things off and I could do it myself."

"No, no...risk of flight, you understand." His eyebrow cocked wickedly and his lips curved in a smirk, Tim strolled leisurely back over to where his lover stood, struggling against the cuffs and waiting anxiously to see what he was going to do next. "I'll have to settle for your shorts."

He made quick work of them, yanking them to the floor and settling on his knees in front of Mulder, figuring it was time to balance the pain with a little pleasure. And he deduced that it was, in fact, pleasurable, based on the increasingly loud moans that he heard and the speed with which Mulder reached the breaking point.

From his position on the floor, he took hold of Mulder's shorts and pulled them back up with him as he stood, ending with a gentle kiss on Mulder's lips. His lover's breaths were still coming in short gasps.

"Damn you," Mulder said when he could talk again.

"What?" asked Tim, wide-eyed.

"Do you do that with every perp you bring in?"

"Only when I want to get a confession out of 'em." He stroked the hair back from his lover's forehead. "I guess I could take them off now."

He left Mulder leaning weakly against the wall as he rummaged around in the pile of junk on the hall table.

"Now, if I could just remember where I put the key."