From the Mind of J.H. Brodie
Written by Nicollette Marquis McFadgen

My vision of the world is a little different than most people's. Everything I see is through the lens of a camera and that's the way I want it. It is my choice to see things in a cinematic light. I don't quite understand how other people cannot. It's the only way I know how to look at things.

That is why the Homicide Unit is so fascinating. Everything that goes on here should be filmed. The partnerships are dynamic and rival anything ever shown on television or movie screens before. Conflict, as everyone knows, is the staple of a great story and in Homicide, conflict arises at least five times a shift. My function in the unit provides me with access to almost everything. I can see and hear things that the detectives, the lieutenant and even the brass can't see and hear. I get it all.

I've grown fond of the members of the Baltimore Homicide Unit. I feel close to all of them, yet I know they are not close to me. They don't want to be. But that's the sickness that affects murder police. Reminders of mortality appear before them every day, but instead of embracing the lives they're blessed with, instead of sharing intimacy, they choose to leave a distance between them and other people. They won't even get close to each other.

Yeah, partners grow close, but there is still that distance that one puts between the other. Take Detectives Lewis and Kellerman for instance. I had thought they were going to be the ones to prove my theory wrong, but they weren't. Instead, they just lent more support to the theory. They worked well together and socialized after work. They had a good rapport and from the looks of it, a genuine concern for the other.

But just when it looked like they were going to be close, they pulled away. Now, some would argue that they were pulled away by other forces, but as I see it, it was a choice. The investigation of Mike Kellerman was the catalyst. My belief is that when it went down, Lewis backed away. I don't think he thought Kellerman was a dirty cop and guilty of any wrong doing, but I do think it gave him time to reflect on their relationship as partners. It gave him time away and time away led to Lewis analyzing the situation and discovering that we was getting too close to someone.

It's no secret that Meldrick Lewis has your basic textbook fears of abandonment coupled with an attachment disorder. If one wanted to witness it, they'd just take a look at his marriage. He was quick to wed and it is evident upon spending time with Lewis and his wife, that they hadn't spent enough time getting to know each other. Lewis can blame me all he wants over that dinner table fight, but I had nothing to do with the underlying fundamental problem. I just simply brought up a subject that I had no idea was sore for them.

Now, put together Lewis' dysfunctional marriage and his dysfunctional partnership with Kellerman and you have strong evidence to support the theory of Lewis' inability to have emotional intimacy.

Now Kellerman, he's the opposite. He wants that intimacy and in fact, he actively seeks it out. The entire squad knows about what went down with his ex-wife Annie and the entire squad knows that he's still hurt by it. But that hurt did nothing to impede the need within him to be close to another person. He looked for that closeness with Lewis and for a time, he got it. But it seemed to deteriorate after the Arson Investigation and even more so after he killed Luther Mahoney.

He searched for replacement intimacy with the Chief Medical Examiner, Julianna Cox. What he got instead was a hazy, drunken few months. Perhaps there was intimacy, but certainly not the kind he yearned for. His relationship with Cox was sour before it began. She was sort of a rebound relationship.

Now, Kellerman's need for intimacy and closeness probably comes from his relationship with his family. I know enough about the Kellermans to provide some backup to this theory. Mike is the good son. He has two older brothers who he's not really close to. But I think he wants to be close to them. He's four years younger than his oldest brother. The next brother in line is only a year, if that, younger than the oldest. It must have been hard on him as a kid being the younger brother, always wanting to play with the 'big kids' and being told to go away. I have an older brother and that's what it was like for me.

But I think Kellerman needs them more than I need my brother. I was told about Detective Kellerman's exploits when his brothers were in town. He wound up in jail with them, so that's indicative of some need within him to have their approval or to be close to them. Maybe his need started with them. Perhaps he saw how close they've always been and envied it. From what I understand, his sister isn't really someone he could be close to, so Mike Kellerman was left to himself.

But perhaps I'm wrong. I'm just a solitary Grad school student with a skewed view of the world. I won't even go into Detective Pembleton and his partnership with Detective Bayliss and how they each take turns wanting to be close and then putting miles of distance between them. They are perhaps the most intriguing pair in the squad room, but they're an entire thesis all on their own. Nor will I get into Sergeant Kay Howard and her need to distance herself from everyone in the squad room and most people outside of the squad room. I won't go into Detective Munch and his secret desire to be close to someone or his self-sabotaging reflex or his underlying feelings of inadequacy when it comes to being a partner.

Maybe sometime I will. Sometime, I'll have to if I really want to prove my theories concerning emotional intimacy and the Homicide Unit. But right now, this is just a preliminary document. Something just for me to help me remember my thoughts on the subject.

Most of the detectives have rotated out of the Unit for at least three months in accordance with the new regulations, but it'll be interesting to witness their return and their interaction upon that return. I'm sure I'll be here and I'm sure I'll get that deep down yearning to record it all and piece together another documentary, this time focusing less on the work and more on the people.

But who knows. I could be in Hollywood by the time they rotate back.

-J.H. Brodie, June 1, 1997