AMERICAN WEREWOLVES IN BAWLMER?
By A. V. Ariel
Weekly World News, February 18, 1999

A recent series of bizarre attacks on homicide detectives has led to widespread rumors that the Baltimore Police Department is being targeted by werewolves.

Within the space of four months, two detectives have been wounded and three others killed outright in a manner strongly suggesting some sort of wild animal is at work. Detective Paul Falsone, formerly of auto theft, was discovered in November on the sidewalk in front of the Waterfront Bar, mutilated, eviscerated and covered with what appeared to be huge animal bites.

The next victim, killed exactly twenty-eight days later, was Detective Laura Ballard, her eyes clawed out and her face rendered nearly unrecognizable by deep, repeated scratches. Her rib cage was ripped open and the chest cavity filled with silicon, which evidently leaked from breast implants during the attack. Judging by the nature of the toothmarks on that region of the body, medical examiner George Griscom theorizes that the killer intended to devour her heart, became frustrated by the foreign substance tainting its "food" and abandoned the attempt.

In January, Detective Stuart Gharty--who had reportedly vanished after getting into a heated argument with a bartender at the Waterfront--was found lying in a gutter on the corner of Aliceanna and Ann. The chewed-up remains of what were evidently his intestines were found scattered at various points over a five-block radius.

Less tragic, but no less alarming, were the recent attacks upon Detective Rene Sheppard, lately of the fugitive squad and a former Miss Anne Arundel County, and homicide department FBI liaison Michael Giardello. Agent Giardello was waylaid last Saturday night by two creatures he described as "big giant [freaking] wolves with the biggest [freaking] teeth I've ever seen." He managed to produce his gun during the attack, but claims that four shots fired at close range did not even slow the animals down. The creatures finally ran away when he began menacing them with a sterling silver tie pin: “I saw it in a movie once,” he explained.

Three hours later, Detective Sheppard was walking in the Fells Point neighborhood when a wolf-like creature leapt from the shadows and sank its teeth into her arm. She also produced her gun during the attack, but the creature ripped it from her hand and body-slammed her to the pavement. A second, similar creature then took her shins between its jaws and began dragging her across the sidewalk.

Sheppard’s life was saved only by the quick intervention of private investigator Michael Kellerman, whose houseboat was docked nearby and who ran onto the pier when he heard her screaming for help. Kellerman says the creatures made no effort to attack him and, in fact, turned and fled when they saw him approach. He described their appearance as “strangely familiar,” but would not elaborate. (Detective Sheppard declined to be interviewed for this story.)

Sheppard and Giardello gave police a detailed description of two creatures resembling wolves but at least twice as large as the conventional canis lupus. The first was a somewhat malnourished-looking male, his fur black and his muzzle gone largely silver. The second, a female, was considerably smaller and had a distinctively red, shaggy pelt.

This description was confirmed by attorney James Bayliss, who called police the night of the Giardello and Sheppard attacks to complain about "two enormous stray dogs [copulating] their brains out on my front lawn." Bayliss produced a semi-automatic handgun and opened fire on the "dogs," but they chased him back into his house and resumed their amatory activities in full view of the neighborhood. The creatures were gone by the time animal control arrived.

Progress in the case has been impeded by a surprising apathy--and outright indifference--on the part of other murder police. In regard to the killing of Detective Falsone, for example, one department member who declined to be identified stated, "The real question is who didn't want the little Brylcreemed bastard dead." Similarly, a female uniformed officer who also requested anonymity said of Detective Ballard, "Whoever--or whatever--chewed up that little secretary with a gun did us all a favor. 'Seasoned homicide detective,' my ass."

Most of the department’s efforts have been directed toward preventing a citywide panic, though they have little to offer in the way of advice. “I’d tell people to stay off the moors, but I don’t think there are any moors in Baltimore,” said Detective Tim Bayliss, who claims not to be related to James Bayliss. “It’s probably a good idea to stay away from really damp outdoor places anyway, though. Like wet grass and stuff. Catch your death of cold. At least that’s what my mom always said....”

FBI agent Fox Mulder, head of a Bureau division that handles cases allegedly involving paranormal activity, came to Baltimore to assist in the investigation but was told to go away.

And so, as the investigation into the so-called "Full Moon Murders" stalls in its tracks, the entire city lives in fear of who may be the next victim. Where will it all end? When asked for his comments on the matter, homicide veteran Meldrick Lewis—primary investigator on the Falsone case--simply shook his head and replied, "Little old lady got mutilated late last night...werewolves of Bawlmer again."